Relationship Math

Today I have prepared for you a sandwich
But I’m not going to cut it in half
It takes effort to find the bread knife,
Cut the sandwich with no incidents
Of injury or sandwich destruction
Then clean the knife and put it away

We are going to eat our sandwiches
In one sitting
So it doesn’t make sense to me
To cut them in half

I have considered the fact
That it is easier for you to eat your sandwich when it is cut in half
I know that it would give you pleasure to have this option
It would also make it easier for you to talk to me

I have carefully weighed the value of your pleasure
Against the trouble I would have to take
In order to cut your sandwich in half
And I have determined
That my displeasure outweighs your pleasure
In this particular case

I have also looked at the future implications
Of my removing this tiny pleasure from your life
As well as the removal of time spent engaged
In potentially meaningful conversation

If we ate sandwiches together every day
Then I believe the long-term, cumulative effects
Of my selfishness would take its toll on our relationship
And you might eventually stop loving me
But since we only have sandwiches about once a week
I feel that the impact will be negligible


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