Here’s a piece of memoir I contributed to an online webzine. It’s extremely sad. Sorry about that. I feel better now.
Today I have prepared for you a sandwich
But I’m not going to cut it in half
It takes effort to find the bread knife,
Cut the sandwich with no incidents
Of injury or sandwich destruction
Then clean the knife and put it away
We are going to eat our sandwiches
In one sitting
So it doesn’t make sense to me
To cut them in half
I have considered the fact
That it is easier for you to eat your sandwich when it is cut in half
I know that it would give you pleasure to have this option
It would also make it easier for you to talk to me
I have carefully weighed the value of your pleasure
Against the trouble I would have to take
In order to cut your sandwich in half
And I have determined
That my displeasure outweighs your pleasure
In this particular case
I have also looked at the future implications
Of my removing this tiny pleasure from your life
As well as the removal of time spent engaged
In potentially meaningful conversation
If we ate sandwiches together every day
Then I believe the long-term, cumulative effects
Of my selfishness would take its toll on our relationship
And you might eventually stop loving me
But since we only have sandwiches about once a week
I feel that the impact will be negligible
There is something to be said for entering any new year with no preconceptions about one’s personal, spiritual or creative life. Imagine my surprise, then, when all of those areas improved remarkably over the course of the year. So here’s to all of us who are conjuring up something beautiful out of thin air and doing the things that are so very hard, especially the things that other people can’t even see.
On Tuesday, December 10th I’ll be performing at Local Stories at Three of Cups at 8:30pm. The holidays are here and host Andrew Linderman has chosen “Gifts” as the show’s theme. Along with Andrew, I’ll be sharing the mic with notables Kambri Crews, Anita Flores and Jerusha Klemperer.
Have you ever felt lost and, worse than that, deliberately led astray? It’s a bad feeling. Especially when you’re paying for the privilege. Here I tell the story of my 14 years exploring the mysterious, serpentine corridors of psychoanalysis — and what happened when I declared my intention to leave therapy.
On Monday, November 18th I’ll be part of an all-girl review. My fellow storytellers will include Sharon Spell and Kerri Doherty, with comedian Anna Drezen kicking things off. I’ll tell a tale of mystery, horror and psychoanalysis.
Today I’d like to draw your attention to the two songwriters behind the band Fountains of Wayne, Adam Schlesinger and Chris Collingwood. Some of the most emotionally rich and intellectually original songs I can think of have come from their heads and hearts.
On Monday, Nov 4 I’ll be doing some standup as part of the just-relocated Talk Therapy Storytelling show at Three of Cups in the E. Village. Get the details here.
Some of us are more awkward than others. I told this tale of paralyzing social phobia and the search for friendship at college at the Hartford, CT storytelling show “Speak Up” over the weekend. There was an unintended consequence, but a happy one, as a result.
Before I wrote stories, I wrote about elite running. This profile of the great marathoner Khalid Khannouchi concerning his attempt to qualify for the Olympics after close to eight years of injuries and failure never got published anywhere other than on my blog. Running Times passed on my pitch because they didn’t see any evidence that Khannouchi would actually qualify. I thought they missed the point. Anyway, this remains one of the pieces of writing I’m most proud of, so I thought I’d move it over here. It was published in December of 2010, at a time when I still had ambitious running dreams of my own.